‘One has to live with both good and bad!’: Dr Pradnya Jayant Ajinkya

Occupational Psychological Counsellor, Dr Pradnya Jayant Ajinkya, a member of the American Counselling Association (ACA), has successfully helped numerous children and couples, families and students work through resolving relationships, improved communication skills, and brought new insight and awareness to their lives. She has also worked with couples on marital problems and relationship issues.

In this exclusive chat with Sify readers, Dr Pradnya takes on questions related to marital issues, sibling rivalry and workplace stress. We bring you the complete chat transcript

I got married recently , after my marriage I am bit depressed because of my wife behavior. As her behavior is to always save money, i do agree to save money but it should not be in such a way that to save money completely without spending outside

It’s important to understand whose money she is saving. If it’s her money, it should not worry you and if she is saving your money she is only helping you. Financial investment and savings are important milestones in psychological development.

There is a famous saying in an English prayer, “Our Father who art in Heaven. Hallowed be by thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on
Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us today our daily bread!” So when you live in the world controlled by God’s design, you have no reason to think about tomorrow.

hello,my wife is very obsessive about me she does not allow me to go outside without her many times abuses with very foul language
How do you fend for yourself? If the obsession is so over bearing then you need to see an expert who will help you both to differentiate between emotional abuse and intelligence.

how to get rid of stress
Ask the creator who gave you the stress for remedies! Identify whether you want to embrace something that gives you stress. And motivate yourself to destress and achieve.

how to get rid of stage fear
You need to see me, I guess! You should identify personalities who are performing on stage and work positively towards becoming a performer.

my wife is speaking any time seperately. I am often advice her. but no use. Kindly tell the solution
It’s important to understand the attachment of individuals and care giving styles. There should be no unwanted external influence. You may find solutions to the problem.

hi. my son is has a lot of problems with his friends because he stammers. it is very diff to see him suffer. pl guide us

Its partially a psychological problem. The child should be motivated to understand within him the other positive and inherent qualities which others do not possess and secondly explore speech therapy and other modified techniques which can control this problem. Singing can be a creative art which will help him well. Try practicing recitation of “Om” with your child.

Good afternoon mam , i m having anxity ( agaro phobia) not able to travel alone since last 7 to 8 year , always fear of death , result turn into habit of consuming alcohol while travelling , lots of trouble facing due to this

The sure thing life brings along with it is death. When a man is born he is sure to die! But anticipating death and reasons that lead to death are self created. So you have a self created problem. Living in fear will prevent quality life and finally non achievement and also leads to substance abuse which is a kind of self medication and cannot be an answer to mentioned problem. Pls meet a professional to address the problem.

wife thinks she is superior, earning more. caring but at times offensive talk. how to change her
Your perception about your wife is a lady earning sufficient and more money and feeling superior with need based care giving styles. You should begin to look within yourself and trust and believe in what can best happen in this relationship without being critical.

is there a periodicity to OCD? i get attacks now and then
OCD is being obsessed and compelled to do something. CBT can help and control such situations and seeking help is advisable.

My 5yr old boy is very angry…when i say no for something he doesn’t take it and sometimes hit himself…….
He is aggressive and feels helpless. He may not be ready to receive rejection. Due to poor tolerance and his feelings of lack of affection and love he is very negative which introduces him to self destruction like hitting himself. By introducing the child to be in happy emotional states like love, happiness, tolerance, achievement, the related fears and behaviors will disappear I am sure.

Gud Afternoon mam! I am having headche at several times so please give me the solution for that
Good Afertnoon! There are types of headaches and all are not migraines. some of them are tension headaches. Firstly, it’s important to meet the migraine expert to understand the type of headache. Secondly, it’s sometimes the cloud of thoughts which hit your head and you get a headache. Understand the cause and treat.

after 1 week of marraige, we started arguing. we continue after 15 years. we love each other a lot but still our arguments get worse day by day. how to resolve this

Maintain a reactive period. Change the mode of communication. It’s preferable to get to writing the questions first and second reading the same after a few hours and third conveying the message to your partner. This method can eliminate arguments and noise pollution.

shd we avoid people when we are depressed?
Isolation is not the answer. Meeting like-minded people and discussing the current problem and anxieties which lead to stress is very important.

i have no friends at all. even if i try to be friends somehow they just brakup. what could be the cause?
Not being able to maintain a relationship like friendship may end up as a serious problem. It may be because you are not able to identify with your age group of people or not able to identify with any group of people.

my sons are twins. they fight a lot and the younger one is always throwing tantrums. how to handle this?
Twins are not identical kids. They develop as separate individuals. How they behave will depends on the influence that the kids deal with.

I am confident about my abilities, but after giving in the desired effort, I dont get the desired results. I feel people who put in a lot less get much more. I feelnothing good ever happens to me.
This is your perception and this cannot be identified by the gains and losses, rewards and costs! The solution is to continue to being hard working and wait to reap the benefits. And do not quit!

is there any solution to cribbing. my wife is always nagging. i like her a lot but cant stand when she starts nagging

Nagging is an acquired habit but nagging about what is also important. The best solution is to listen to her inner voice that leads to nagging!

i have female balding, so most people stare at me. im getting very nervous in public and prefer to stay indoors. pl help
Is it something to do with hair loss or sexual identity?

madam, i like to help people but when they start taking advantage i start hating them,.is this natural?
It’s important to identify the needs in the relationship. You don’t have feel hatred because one has to live with both Good and Bad!

i feel lonely all the time though i have a lot of friends
May be you like to have friends but cannot make friends! Think about it!

hi, how to know if my partner is cheating
Why should you think like that? What motivates you to think negative? Thoughts may put you at the receiving end and invite tremendous stress, sleepless nights, maladaptive behavioral mechanisms. Firstly, analyse the problem individually and if it is true learn to deal with the problem: socially and spiritually.

my child is in class III, his brain is very sharp, does not want to study & always wants to watch cartoons on TV, does not have any patience making silly mistakes in exam. exam result is obviously not as expected
Before we set unrealistic goals for the children, the parents need to give quality time to the kids. When the parents are very busy the kids are introduced to self styled recreational modes like viewing cartoons, etc. And when they are not busy they want to operate with the control and co-operate method which the child can’t adjust to suddenly. Loving and caring attention can help a child to achieve and bring better results.

Hello Mam, I am working professional of 35 years with 2 boys aged 11 & 2. My husband who is 36, doesn’t care for me & my kids financially & emotionally.
Please continue to feel motivated emotionally and financially to support the dependent kids. If the partner is not helping in a marriage partnership seek help to understand where the problems arise and resolve the problems without bringing damage to the marriage.

Since my wife is too careless and also we have a 3year old kid. While advising her that she has to be more cautious, she in turn compaints to her father that I’m too compliant and doesn’t understand the real subject
You need to work on coming together and taking care of the needs of the child without being critical about each other.

It’s 6 yrs since we got married. My wife keeps listening only to her father and not to my words. I have counselled her several times about family values, but in vain. I’m really depressed as she is behaing like a spy and have silly complaints
Listening to father may not be the problem. No father may ill advice. However interference may be a block to an ongoing relationship. Seek professional help if necessary.

i have serious issues with my wife, she is not understanding. she is loudmouthed. i feel like running away
May be your wife is very expressive. She is similar to a new born baby expressing her needs by crying aloud. You need to talk to her and help her to resolve her issues. This can improve her expressions.. all the best!

Please suggest tips for anxiety and migraine.
The root causes of anxiety is stress which if not treated becomes chronic with time. You may be hoarding sufficient ruminations in the brain which leads self to internal conflict and anxiety which can lead to depression.

I am in deperssion in my work spot what shall i do for that, regarding sexually my wife not supporting me, what to do
Quite possible. Please meet a good counselor or psychologist and understand if it is the wife’s non compliance to be with you sexually which brings you depression at work place.

regularly i goes to bed at 11.30pm at night and get up at 6.30 in the morning. but if on any day i get up from bed at 4.30 in the morning. it becames continues by which i feel tired the whole day
Dealing with early awakening requires exercise: like meditation, yoga, physical and mental exercises. This may help you to relax and have a restful sleep and finally a good morning the next day!

I have a fear when I am spoken with my clients and how to manage my superiors with out fear
It’s an emotional problem where you are dealing with negative emotions. Learning small things and dealing with small things will lead to confidence which will make you self reliable. So where is the question of fear then?

Mam, I had a break upwere in a living r’ship for 2 years, she sleptwith another guy, but says she is still in love with me but i am not the right person for her,I miss her a lot , she gets insecure if i talk to other gal..Plz help me how to get over her
Live in relationships are not legal. It’s up to you whether you want to promote this relationship despite her going around with others. You will have to take a call on whether you want to continue with a relationship which is disturbing you so much!

my son, 17, intelligent, emotional,sensitive. attached to me,depends on me for everything. respects father but has no cordial relationship, hesitates to speak to him. want my son to be confident, independent. please guide
Children generally don’t become independent at 17. They find their freedom to express and get involved in learning processes in childhood. Basically please avoid being like a nurturing mother who wants her child to be a mirror image of herself. This prevent an individual from searching his own identity.

mam, i am 24 but still scared of dark. i cant sleep alone. i need the lights on at night if im alone.
Dealing with shut spaces and heights or dark rooms find their roots with negative emotions fear, threat, conflict, non-achievement. It’s important to treat the phobia before it becomes a deep rooted problem.

i have a lot of issues with my mother. she is anxious all the time and i lose my temper with her. how do i resolve this
The lot of issues with mother should be treated. The accompanying anxiety is a baggage she finds impossible to be without. If her problems are treated you will find relief. Also it is important that you do not react which can worsen the problems.

i get very stressed in the mornings before leaving to work. how to control this?
Whatever may be the reasons: personal, professional or social, it’s important to identify the problem and deal with it.