Mental Health Q&A: Understanding relationships

Dr Hemant Mittal, neuro-psychiatrist, answers readers’ questions on Mental Health. Get your doubts cleared and see them featured on our FAQ page every Tuesday.
This week’s answers:

1. I am my wife love each other very much but I dont know why we fight too much. Main culprit is myself. I don’t have patience and due to this wjen i get angry my wife also becomes angry and she well start saying I don’t take care of her , i dont respect her and this makes me upset and even more angrier and due to this we are fighting every day. When we both cools down we will say sorry and next day same thing happens again. If I am upset with my wife she cannot take it and same thing if she is upset with me I cannot take it ane the reason being we both love each other very much and becomes upset if the he or she is upset. Pls advise.
hello Raj, you and your wife love each other very much. The problem is ego. Both you want to be at the top. Your love should be more about communication.
You both should look at effective communication. That means you both have to sit down and start chalking a way of action whenever a problem arises.
Another technique that can be used is to move out of the room when anger is developing. This gives time for both to cool down.
Remember anger is momentary, it comes and goes…if you let that moment go, both can discuss things much more calmly.

2. dear doctor, i am having career prob last 3 years. my wife is earning and we manage somehow. i feel guilty that im not able to support the family well. im very forgetful also and so we get into lot of arguments. pl tell me how to manage this situation
hello kishore, men in general are supposed to be the providers of the family. and this fact hurts the ego.
Its important to understand that a relationship means togetherness…
one of the biggest destroyers of self and a relationship is ego.
You both should work together….
Arguments just put an extra burden onto the relationship.
The next time you are having anger and irritation, think of both of you as a unit… and think how a unit works excellently when together.

Send in your questions on mental health to now! And don’t forget to include `Mental Health FAQ` in the subject line.