Mental Health Q&A: You cannot please everyone

Dr Hemant Mittal, neuro-psychiatrist, answers readers’ questions on Mental Health. Get your doubts cleared and see them featured on our FAQ page every Tuesday.
This week’s answers:

1. I am a bit confused about the dynamics of the relationships. I have found that i easily get influenced by someone else’s opinion about some person and feel short of confidence in depending on my own views about them. As a child, i formed opinions about people in society based on what my parents and brother believed. But now i see conflicts and building rapport with others is extremely difficult. I don’t want to accept their opinions blindly, at the same time i don’t want to disagree and become an isolated person (which i have many times).
How can i learn to come out of this confusion?
Prashant Sidhpura
Hello Prashant, you seem to be too concerned with what others think and how others judge you. You have to accept that you can be in good terms with many people, but you cannot please everyone. Learn to find out those who appreciate you. And learn from them.

2. i am 42 yrs old. i have a good job and happy family. yet i have a lot of conflicts with some people. even if they object to something im saying, or i dont like what they say it blows up into heated argument and i then i hate the sight of them. how can i prevent this? how can i be more tolerant?
hello sharad, you try to be too controlling of a situation. and when someone deviates it creates excess anger. you need to deviate and delegate certain control over to others. This would require a lot of trust. It might take you through initial phase of anxiety, but slowly you will accept.

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